Rather than coming upon a smorgasbord of what I had imagined to be ebullient (yet cathartic!), succinct narrations of events that are soul food for us Schadenfreudephiles, I beheld a website with a free movie on it!
David & Fatima (2008) is the story about the love between a Muslim and a Jew. In Jerusalem (it was filmed in America, though, and saturated with American actors and actresses--save Martin Landau--with negligible, if existent, Hollywood experience prior to the film). So it was quite fml not only because of the re-reality check regarding the sensitivity of interethnic coexistence (and the consequences of treading outside one's own ethnic boundary) in Jerusalem but also because David wasn't mine. Behold David (he was the Jew, which hopefully was obvious after reading "the story about the love between a Muslim and a Jew":
There's a culmination, for which you must wait.
Wait, I guess not. Well, fml.
Imagine him being five times as melanized, having somewhat longer, oilier hair, and being nearly a decade older than he was in this movie:
Anyhow, the movie was satisfactory, and it likely would not have been a better experience had I not watched it in Arabic sans English subtitles. It is two hours and you find Yours Truly posting after having finished the movie.
Where's the site for which I had been searching? That would be this site. This post will end with a few gemmies from that site (and the only ebullient display is the "FML" suffixed to the depressing narration):
Today, I went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor went through the normal questions, then paused for a moment and jotted something down. Later when I got back my report from the checkup, I noticed that the doctor had checked the "no" box by "sexually active." She didn't even ask me that. FML.
Today, I was laying in bed naked and blindfolded. I told my boyfriend he could do anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bed and find him in the computer room play[sic] World of Warcraft. His friends needed him. FML
Today, I ran into my serious boyfriend of two years at a restaurant. He was sitting with another girl. I went over and asked him who she was. He replied, "Who are you?" Apparently I was the secret girlfriend. FML
Today, I found out my girlfriend of 5 years cheated on me. When confronted she told me, "I didn't get wet so it wasn't cheating." FML
Today, I was babysitting a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. I asked her, "Do you got your bag?" And she said, "No. I have my bag. Babies say got. I'm a big girl." I am 20 years old and in the honors program in my college. I was corrected by a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. FML
Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML
My Schadenfreude, albeit far from satiated, is nom-nomming on these scrumptious little gems. These would totally happen to me, by the way...except that the girlfriend would be a hypothetical boyfriend. FML