Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Sequestration sucks. Take it from the sequestered-meister herself. There is some reprieve in the fact that I have tappable wherewithal. Unfortunately, it isn't tappable trans-Pacifically. New York has even failed at making this a possibility.

Being the honored guest aboard the SS Fail, I shall dutifully entertain you with my short but woeful tale of fail...as I ail...in jail.

Once upon a somewhat austere Monday morning, one would be able to spot Yours Truly in the airport withdrawing most (but not all) of the accumulated wealth (most of which was to be subsequently lost). Opposed to the idea of having my carry-on deluged with cash and being somewhat of a diamond-in-the-rough at O'Hare Airport, I thought it to be more practical to have my cash-money in a compact. Therefore, a vast portion was retrieved in the form of bank checks...just to encounter the Great Wall of Fail at the end of my journey. All that could be exchanged for American tender was the 470,000 won in Korean cash, which would have landed $261 in my hand had I actually exchanged it en masse. In hopes of not being further castigated for returning to the 'Mother'land, Niggardly Me only exchanged an amount that was sufficient for a taxi ride back to this place in which I was raised...and the necessities that I had left behind in Korea. Ever since, I've been aboard the SS Fail, catching up on One Life to Live, exerting about 10% of an effort to suppress this circadian revolt against the...15-hour time change, 漢語-ing (繁體, naturally), عربية-ing, inter alia. The end.

Two viable strategies of approaching this pecuniary impasse have been proposed, one of which I thought all by myself (thanks to being so precocious, obviously). The more viable of the two seems to be that of sending this wholesome wad of checks to Korea, entrusting them to one of my trans-Pacific friends so that he may exchange these otherwise useless wastes of trees for Korean won (or even American dollars, should my fiduciary be so amazing as to spare me the psychological toil and spare the extra minute for the dismal conversion). The seemingly more time-consuming and money-depleting strategy would be to find one who is Korea-bound and indulge myself in a little diplomacy, i.e.

I set the dollar at 1,000 won.

Poor, Korea-bound soul sets the dollar at 2,000 won.

I say, "Fuck you," set the dollar at 500 won, and append a threat to send aforementioned soul to looming-missiled, defensive North Korea.


Serving as a buffer amidst this impasse is the ever-faithful internet. Though the internet doles out the most lacerating and penetrating of spades, it also serves as a conduit for lol doleage. For example, Failblog: Click, behold, and be ye proselytized to internet awesomry.:

The best for last (the unlikelihood of this being real is 100%, but still):

The internet also serves as a gratuitous purveyor of the Finer Things:

e.g. @ Beauteous, Studly Creature, Rain:


I just woke up at 3:24 a.m. Oddly enough, Rain was in my dreams, and it was a rather lewd one. All that I remember are some rather strenuous fappage and a torso-up garbed Rain having flipped over having his rear facing me. :( Thanks for flipping in the wrong direction, STUD! @ /end, too.

Since I have a extravagant wealth of time for the foreseeable future, I shall return to عربية-ing like a Wahhabi, 漢語-ing like...Hu Jintao (or someone), and possibly revisiting my brief tryst of old with Íslenska, Norsk, and a forging of ties with Finland, Sweden, and/or Indonesia. Stay tuned to see where my capriciousness shall land me.

I've also been thinking about passing the time by translating some of these English blog posts of mine...a project which will indubitably make Babelfish seem like the Mother Teresa of computerized translation and guarantee severance from each country that speaks each of the targeted languages of my translation.

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